Baby Shopping with the Booth Clan
by CrayonClown
Summary: B&B and Parker shopping trip for baby stuff. Procrastination, bickering, joking around, fluffy bunnies, Inquisitive!Parker, booby talk, Embarrassed!Booth, static-electricity & more bickering, adorable big brother Parker. Post season 6 finale one-shot.


**This is so fluffly and sweet, your teeth will rot and fall out. I'm totally serious. **

**Idea for story came from twitter pal BoothBonesLove; Sweetie, I hope this lives up to expectations. :)**

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><p><strong>Baby Shopping with the Booth Clan<br>**

"I really don't understand why we have to do this right _now_, Booth," Temperance Brennan told her boyfriend as they walked side by side. "I'd much rather—"

"We've been putting this off too long, if you ask me," Seeley Booth said, brushing a hand over her significantly rounded abdomen, as he guided her with his other slung low on her backside.

"Aren't you excited to buy stuff for the baby, Bones?" Parker asked as his shorter legs moved quickly to keep up with the tall adults as they walked across the parking lot.

"Yes, I am, but there are other things that I should be doing right now."

"Like what?" Booth challenged.

"Eat."

"We just ate an hour ago."

"I can't help it. I'm hungry…."

"Well, if you would eat _real_ food!"

"… And I need a nap. That's what I could be doing."

"Bones, you've been off work for a week already to reduce stress. You're due in less than two weeks. This process should have started a several months ago if we wanted to have everything ready. We've waited long enough."

"You're acting as if I'm the sole reason for putting this off. You're just as much responsible. I feel like I barely see you, even when I was still able to work in the lab. You were always gone, and the cases always kept you at the office or out until really late. Neither of us have had the time, but that still doesn't mean I wouldn't rather be lounging on the couch right now, even if this is the perfect time with both of us being available."

"You don't have anything else _significant_ to do. I understand you being hungry and tired, but we need to start this, especially while I have time."

"But we did start. We bought a house and the room is painted and…"

"…and it's bare. There is _nothing_ in there. You insisted on not allowing anyone throw a baby shower because you didn't need the gifts or want any help and so now, here we are, the baby could probably come at _anytime_ and the room isn't ready. There's no crib, no changing table, very few clothes, no wipes, no diapers, no bottles…"

"Why do we need bottles if Bones is going to feed the baby with her—"

"Parker! Shhh!" Booth stopped his son from finishing his question in his loud inquisitive voice, but he should have known that it would have been wise to slap a hand over Brennan's mouth to keep her from voicing the answer to the unfinished question.

"While I do plan to breastfeed the baby, I will need to pump milk to relieve pressure when I'm unable to feed so that I can keep the glands stimulated to produce the amount of milk necessary to give the baby the proper amount of substance to survive off of and for you and Booth to be able to feed the baby if I'm not around for some reason." Then a little louder still, she turned to her beet-red boyfriend, "Booth, add a breast pump to the list. I'd almost forgotten."

Booth groaned at the public conversation; the patrons around them fought to hide their smirks at his discomfort of the subject. He took out their list and wrote down the new item.

"Parker, please go get a cart. We forgot to grab one on the way in. Booth, go with him and get another one, if we plan to get bedding and stuff as well, it is very likely we'll need two," Brennan requested.

Parker agreed, happy to help. When he returned, Brennan took the buggy from him and looked around the store. "We should start over here, and work our way around that way back towards the furniture."

"Isn't it going to be hard to pick things like clothes and stuff when we don't know if it's a boy or girl?" Parker asked.

"Maybe, but we can just pick things that could go either way. Colors like white, green, yellow, orange, red, and brown can go for either gender. _Or_ if you want to pick out some things for each gender that you like, we can get them all. Then, we can donate the ones that we won't use after the baby is born and we know the gender."

"Really?" Parker asked.

"Really. Pick out what you want, both of you. We don't have a spending limit, so don't worry about the cost."

Booth had been excited up until this point. He pulled Brennan to the side for a second, as Parker looked around at the onesies, for a little chat.

"Bones, we've worked out the money thing between us and it's okay for you and I to know the details, but he does not need to know that there is no spending limit. Rebecca and I have been trying to get him to understand the concept of spending money wisely. Everything he gets from his allowance is blown on candy and video games, so I don't need him to go into this thinking that he's just going to be given money for _anything_ he wants, _anytime_ he wants it. He does not need to see you as a bottomless money pit."

"Us," she reminded him, "not just me."

Booth nodded in acknowledgment, still not used to the concept, himself.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted him to have a contribution. I didn't mean to make it sound like we could buy the whole store or anything."

"You didn't. I'm just saying, be careful. Don't just throw around the fact that money isn't an issue or he'll never learn. That's all. Let's go look." He kissed her forehead in assurance that she didn't really do anything wrong.

"Dad! Look at this!" Parker half-yelled from down the aisle a little ways.

"What is it Park?"

He held up a package of onesies that had a few that were definitely for boys. The top one was red with the words "Momma's Boy" written across it. The second one was blue and had the words "Daddy's Little Man" and the last one was just plain with blue and red stripes.

"That's cute. Put it in the basket and pick some more. We'll need a lot of onesies like that so that Bones doesn't constantly have to do laundry. Find some plain ones, too," Booth told his son as he picked up a package of little girl onesies.

He ran his fingers over the little strawberries on the pink one in front and then he read the writing on white one in the middle, "Daddy's Sugar Pie" right above a picture of a pie. Booth smiled, _knowing_ that their baby was going to be a girl. The third onesie was purple with a golden crown embroidered into the front with the word "Princess" written in a fancy font.

He grabbed a several other girl onesies and a few other plain packages of neutral colored generic onesies and put them in the basket while Brennan watched her two Booths pick things out. They seemed to have everything under control, and she was content to just relax and watch them.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of an adorable red dress that reminded her of something that her mother used to dress her in for church. She'd seen baby pictures, from a long time ago, of her standing next to Russ in a red dress with black lace and frills along the bottom and around the puffs of the short sleeves of the dress. She smiled and took the hanger from the rack and placed it in the cart. She found a several more cute dresses and placed them in the cart as well.

When she got closer to Booth and his cart, she grinned as she saw that he had done as she said and picked out a little of everything. As they walked she saw some nice dress clothes for a little boy. Ones that could be worn to church just as the dresses she'd picked out. She knew that Booth would want to take their baby to church. She wasn't opposed to the idea—as long as their child was well informed on all views—and she looked forward to seeing their child dressed up ready to go with his family. She daydreamed about taking pictures of the family all dressed up and ready for church. She grabbed a few nice shirts and pants with the idea in mind. And she grabbed various sizes, knowing that the baby wouldn't be tiny forever.

Booth looked into her basket and smiled at the cute clothes. "Good choices, Bones."

"We need to get some socks, too."

"And some shoes." Booth added. "The baby will grow out of them really fast, but it is nice to have a first pair of shoes to keep and get bronzed or whatever for a keepsake. I still have Parker's first pair of shoes. Rebecca thought it was stupid to keep them; she's just never been the sentimental type, but I want to get them bronzed."

"That's a nice idea." Brennan said, as her mind once again drifted to their future.

"You still have my first pair of shoes?" Parker asked, acting as if it was crazy that something from _so _long ago had been kept.

"Sure do," Booth replied with a cheerful nod.

"Where are they? Can I see them?" Parker asked as he dumped several packages of tiny socks—boy and girl—into the basket.

"They've been put away in a safe place so that nothing will happen to them. I can show you when we get home."

"Cool."

All of this shopping and talking about sentimental symbols really had Brennan thinking about her childhood memories that had been left behind as she went into foster care. Her parents had been hugely sentimental and kept a lot of her first things. There were tons of pictures, toys, clothes, and other momentos that had long ago been left behind. She had wondered, over the years, what had happened to it all. And as she grew up and aged out of the system, she saw no point in keeping anything that was representative of her life at that time, and had never picked the trait up since then. She hadn't seen the need. The most sentimental items she'd kept over the years were her previously unopened gifts from a ruined Christmas long ago, Jasper and Brainy Smurf. That was about the extent of her sentimental collection. Everything else in her possession were expensive meaningless replicas of artifacts and things that held no value in her metaphorical heart.

"I want to do that with our baby's first shoes, too. The bronzing. I want to do that," she finally spoke up.

"Of course. I planned on it." Booth said, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

He ended up shocking her and pulling his hand back as he laughed at her frown.

"You shocked me!"

Booth shrugged, "I didn't mean to. I just wanted to rub your shoulder." He reached out to touch her again as they walked, again receiving the same outcome.

Zap!

Again, he pulled his hand away. Then after a few more steps he touched her again.

Zap!

"Booth! Stop it. If you are going to touch me, touch me and leave your hand there so you don't keep shocking me. Stop pulling away just so that you can do it again. _Childish_."

Parker was practically doubled over in laughter.

"I'll stop if you give me a kiss."

"Wha—No!" She pulled her head further away from him so that he couldn't try it.

"C'mon, Bones. It'll be the most electrifying kiss ever."

"That was the cheesiest line ever," she scoffed.

"It was; wasn't it?"

"Yes."

He pulled her in, shocking her arm in the process, for a kiss anyway.

"What's next?" Parker interrupted, loudly.

"Let's head that way," Booth said as he pulled the list out. Then he read quickly though the list out loud for Brennan and Parker to hear. "Bath supplies like baby shampoo, a little wash tub, soft cloths and towels, one of those little ducks that indicate safe water temperatures," Booth read from the list. "Also, baby nail clippers, one of those snot grabber thingies, soft brush, bibs, hand mittens, furniture, crib, bedding, play mats, pacifiers, stroller, car seat for each car, swing, boppy… We _really_ should not have put this off so long, Bones. You're going to be worn out by the end of this shopping spree. Hell, _I'm_ going to be worn out."

"Okay, I get it. We shouldn't have waited. I'll admit that, if you will just drop it. We can't change it."

"Okay, fine."

They strolled at a leisurely pace to the baby bath supplies and Booth started to pile some things into the basket. He tossed in some baby shampoo, lotion, powder, soft cloths towels, the temperature ducky, baby nail clippers, the snot grabber, brush, and Brennan just stood back and watched him as he quickly surveyed the shelves for items on the list and also added a few things that weren't on the list.

"You seem to have everything under control. Did you even need me here? I could be at home taking a nap." She joked.

"Of course. Hey, I just… looking at the shelves brought back some memories of shopping for stuff for Parker. I know what's good, from experience, and what is just a bunch of crap that you shouldn't waste your money on. That's all. I just picked products that we used for Parker… Unless, you would want to try different things. I can put them ba—"

"No, no. It's fine. I have no opinion of any of these products, as I have never had a need to use them. You do, so it makes sense for me to trust that you are making good choices; far more educated than what I would be able to make."

"Next aisle, Love. Chop chop."

They walked around to the diapers and wipes.

"Now, these seem to have all changed since Parker was a baby. They're probably all better than they were then, so if you want to take some time to read to see which ones would be best. Be my guest. You're choice is as good as mine, here." Booth said, eyeing the lines and lines of different diapers for newborns perched in the shelves.

"Well, I think that I would like to eventually go with cloth diapers. It will save from having to spend heaps of money on disposables and it's better for the environment. I read that it's better to just put newborns into disposables at first and then ease into the cloth diaper idea as it can be a huge dedication and can be overwhelming with the amount of washing. So, let's just… Booth!" she laughed out loud as she looked over to him. "What are you doing?"

"Squeezing them. Here," he handed her the package. "Squeeze it, and smell the puff of air that comes out of that little tear in the plastic."

She did as told and sniffed the air. "I don't see what the big deal is. These are not like fruit. You don't squeeze them and smell them to see which ones are good."

"I've always liked the smell of fresh diapers. Fresh, clean… I don't know. Brings back memories."

Booth puffed the air in his face a few more times, basking in the nostalgia of the scent.

"You. Are. Strange." She put the package back on the shelf and stepped back, "How on earth are we going to choose?"

Just then, a woman pushing a cart with a carrier and a baby perched on top and two twin toddlers walking by her side strolled into the aisle.

"Let me help ya out. Those," The woman pointed, "are horrible. They leak and do not fit properly. Those," she gestured to another package, "are not breathable. Talk about skin irritation, rashes, infections… you name it. Try these." She picked a package up and handed them to Booth. "Miracle diapers is what they are."

The woman put two packages of the diapers in her own cart before walking away to the wipes. She grabbed a few packages and walked over to Booth again and handed him the package.

"Congratulations; I would invest in a Diaper Genie if I were you," she said as she disappeared around the corner.

"I—uh, thanks." Brennan started to talk again, but then she shut her mouth.

"That was… interesting," Parker voiced the shared opinion.

Booth picked up the box with a Diaper Genie in it and read a little from the box. He shrugged and put it in the cart along with a few refill packages, "Sounds like a good idea to me. That good enough for you, Bones?"

"Um, yes. Clearly, she has experience and she's tried a few things. It would make her choice better than ours, right?"

"That's what you said to me about the bath stuff," he agreed.

"Then, yes. I'm good."

They made their way over to bottles.

"Let's get a few of these," Booth picked up a few bottles, "and some of these cleaning supplies, and some burp rags. Lots of those, actually."

Brennan walked over to the breast pumps. She picked one up, "How about this one," she asked Booth.

"I don't know, Bones. I don't have… you know," he gestured toward her full chest and mouthed the word, "boobies". "I don't think I'm allowed to have an opinion on which one you try. If you don't like it you can always get a different one later."

"True." She said as she picked one up and placed it in her full basket. "I'll just get the most expensive one."

She looked at everything they had in their carts already.

"It feels like we're buying the whole store, Booth."

"Babies need a lot of stuff. We may need another basket. We don't have to get a lot of toys or anything. We can get those later."

"True, the baby will not be visually or aurally stimulated for quite some time."

"… but we'll at least need a play mat thing for the floor. The hardwood floors are nice, but a play mat will be a nice soft place for the baby to lie on the floor."

"Oh! Dad! Can we get this?" Parker held up a stuffed bear.

Brennan answered before Booth could get a word in. "A bear would maul a child in real life. I do not see where having a stuffed miniature version of such an animal is in any way soothing for children."

"It's cute." Parker said, simply.

"It is," she admitted, "but it's still representative of—"

"Put it in the cart, Bub."

"A stuffed monkey would be more suitable," Brennan said in passing thought.

"Oh, really." Booth said, knowing that his tone would cause her to…

"Humans are primates. Monkeys, while I'm using the term very generically, would in all likelihood nurture a human baby rather than maul it, as the differences between their young and ours would probably be almost indistinguishable to them."

Parker looked amused, and Booth looked horrified.

"Can we stop talking about animals mauling babies?" He choked out in a harsh whisper. "Our baby is going to be _in a crib_… _safe_ from animals… of _all_ kinds… being raised by _humans_. Alright?"

"Dad, chill. We'll get a monkey. See," he held one up. "It's cute, too." He placed it in the basket and moved to take out the bear.

"No," Brennan stopped him. "There bear is cute," she shrugged in defense. "We can get both. I never said we couldn't get the bear." She smiled smugly at Booth.

"You were arguing on purpose!" He exclaimed with incredulity.

"Always. Now, run along and get another cart, and while you're at it, go find the baby monitors. I believe we forgot to put that on the list as well. Thanks, love you." She quickly dismissed Booth and made her way toward the bedding and furniture. "Parker, grab the other cart, and follow me, please."

"Okie dokie."

Booth stood flabbergasted by her demand and dismissal for a few seconds before walking away to do as he was told.

_Sassy,_ he thought.

_I like it._

When Booth caught back up to them, he tried to see if they'd put anything new in the baskets.

"Good colors," he said as he pointed to the sheets in the basket, "but trust me, if you don't want to be forced to constantly do laundry any more than you'll have to, we'll need more than that. Accidents happen and babies puke."

"Right. Can you grab some more, please?"

"Sure. Oh, and we need a few baby blankets, too."

Parker walked over to the blankets and started feeling the textures. "Oh, these are soooo soft. Dad! Bones! You _have_ to feel these!"

"We will. Pick some that you like. Make sure to get soft, warm ones as well as some that will be cooler to the touch," Booth told Parker.

"Do you think the baby will like these?" He asked.

"Yeah, those are perfect." Booth took the blankets from Parker and held them out for Brennan to feel.

"Those are nice, Parker. The baby will love it, I'm sure."

They picked out a stroller and car seats for each car based on safety scores listed and research that Brennan had previously done and then made their way over to the furniture.

"How do we know which kind to get? There are so many." Parker stood in awe of all the different styles, and colors and all the matching pieces that go with them as a set. "I think I like the white one."

"Which white one? There's about ten of them." Booth stood just as frozen in place, not even knowing where to start.

"I thought that we decided on a natural wood look to go with the creamy light mocha walls and the hardwood flooring."

"Right, like a light pine or an oak finish. Yeah."

The three of them walked around to the natural wood cribs and in unison they all pointed and said, "That one," to the exact same four-in-one convertible crib with changing table and dresser.

"It will go great with the walls and will match anything we decide to put in the room," Brennan commented.

Booth couldn't help but look at the price, even though he knew he didn't need to.

He let out a low whistle. "That's the most expensive one here."

Brennan got closer to Booth so that Parker couldn't hear, "Not an issue."

"I know, but that's going to take some getting used to on my part. That's all. It's a wonderful crib. We all like it. It comes in a set of everything we need…. Crib—that can eventually be turned into a bed, changing table—with storage space, dresser… Now all we need is a rocker. So, let's walk over here and pick out a chair. You can try them out and see which one you want, and then we can get a guy over here to get the furniture ready for us."

Brennan nodded her agreement.

Brennan tried a few, but most of them were too hard. She knew she was going to spend a significant amount of time in the chair she chose, so she knew it had to be something soothing to even her pregnant body.

She sat in one that was comfortable until she tried to get up and couldn't.

"Dad!" Parker called as she struggled to sit up. "I think she needs help."

Booth turned around from his own perusal of the chairs and chuckled, then he talked into a pretend radio, "Dispatch, this is 22705, baby-mama down, in need of assistance."

"Stop jerking off! Come help me!"

Booth looked mortified for a moment, but then the hilarity of her loud command washed over him. "Bones—you—" He was laughing so hard that he almost couldn't get his words out, "You mean… stop jerking _around_. That other phrase… not kid appropriate."

"Oh. _Oh!_ No, please tell me I didn't…"

"Oh, but you did, very loudly, might I add." He nodded as he pulled her up into is arms and she buried her red face into his chest.

After a few minutes, and a few more chairs, Brennan spoke her opinions of them. "I don't like any of these. Several of them are hard to get up from. I know part of that is the fact that I'm the size of an elephant, but I don't want to have difficulties getting up from a chair when I have a baby in my arms. Others are just too hard."

"We can go to an actual furniture store and get you a nice recliner or something that is more plush than a rocking chair. We can get another one like the one you like so much in my man cave, and maybe I can finally have my chair back."

"That sounds like a good idea. Okay let's get some help with the furniture. It might be in our best interest to have everything delivered. You'll be the only one available to carry things if we handle it ourselves, and your back will definitely be problematic."

"Look," Parker pointed to a stand of cards, "I think you are just supposed to grab one of these, and take it to the register."

The adults both looked closer. "I think you're right. Thanks, Bub. You've been a big help today." Booth patted his son's shoulder and walked over and grabbed the card.

"A really big help. I really appreciate it, Parker," Brennan agreed, hugging him and kissing the top of his head.

"Yeah, well… just being a big brother."

As they approached the registers, a cheerful young lady appeared in front of them, "If you're ready to check out, I can get you over here."

"Thanks," Booth said, steering his heavy cart toward the counter. "We've got all three of these baskets, here, and we also want to purchase this crib set," he handed over the card.

The young lady glanced down toward Brennan's considerably swollen belly.

"Procrastinate, did we?"

"Yes," Parker answered for them. "They even bickered about it when we came in here."

They all laughed. They couldn't even deny it. It was true.

She rang everything up and Booth handed over his debit card, where he gulped after hearing the total just over three thousand dollars.

Oh, it was definitely going to take some getting used to being able to just drop a huge amount of money like that. He'd never been piss poor, but he'd never been well-off either. He'd always been somewhere in the middle range. Comfortable, but not too comfortable. He enjoyed expensive suits and shoes for work, but other than that, he was pretty relaxed with everything else. Prior to their new arrangement, his card would have definitely made the alarms go off as the register read, "insufficient funds". He smiled when it didn't.

Booth gave their information for the delivery, and he walked side-by-side with Bones and Parker as they headed out of the door with some employees trailing behind with their purchases.

"Alright, Booth clan; let's go home."

"Booth, I'm not—"

"Yes, you are, Bones. Don't argue. You may not carry my name," _yet_, he added in his mind, "but you are my family. Me, Parker, you and baby Booth. We've given each other what we've never really _truly_ had before. The best gifts that we could have ever given each other."

"A family."

"Exactly."

"In that case, thank you, Booth."

"There is never any need to thank me for giving you a family, Bones."

"Okay, in that case… I love you."

She'd said it before, but she'd never been the one to say it first; this brought a huge goofy grin to Booth's face.

"I love you, too, Bones."

He tightened his grip around her waist and she dropped her head on his shoulder as they all walked across the parking lot to the SUV.

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><p><strong>Please review. It makes authors feel good. <strong>

**In reality, I know that someone as pragmatic as Brennan would not let them procrastinate this badly. This story is just for fun and humor. This was a really fun one to write.  
><strong>

**XOXO,  
>CrayonClown<strong>


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